A broken Heart

Hey everyone!
So there I was, sitting on the beautiful beach of Waikiki in Honolulu, and God decided that it was a good time to make me burst out into tears in praise to Him.

It was without a doubt, a God moment.

I've come to realize that our timing doesn't even come close to Gods. I don't think soaking up the sun would have been when I picked for my heart to be open to Him, but that's why we serve an Almighty God.

I'm currently reading Breaking Free by Beth Moore, (she is amazing! If you've never heard her or read any of her stuff please please please go google her now!) and it's been a great book but nothing so far had made me re-read the chapter twice...until I got to the chapter entitled 'Hearts Broken by Betryal', it was all over from them on.

Betrayal is a really ugly thing, it's a bigger heart break than any break up, and makes you feel really awful. I pray that if you haven't been through it, you won't ever, but if you have, that this might open your heart a bit.
After years of attending a large church, I was betrayed and had my heart broken.It was the most difficult time in my life, and I pray that I'll never have to go through anything like that ever again..

But I thank God everyday for what happened.

Hebrews 4: 15-16 tells us this "This High Priest of ours understands our weaknesses, for He faced all of the same testings we do, yet He did not sin. So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive His mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most."
Meditate on that for a minute.

It's a bit of a reality to read 'for He faced all of the same testings we do, yet He did not sin'. I find comfort in knowing that Christ was betrayed just like I was. In her book Beth Moore brought up the greatest story of betrayal found in the bible: Judas. For those of you not familiar with the story, go read Matthew 26: 14-56.

It was after reading this story in my bible that my heart began to really open to the Lord.

I loved how Beth put it "I usually think of betrayal as something the betrayer knew would devistate but did not care enough to act differently. If you've ever felt betrayed, wasn't part of your injury knowing that the other person would have been aware of how hurt you would be? Judas was a betrayer in every sense of the word. A true betrayer is motivated by selfishness" (Moore 129).

If you continue reading you know that after Judas betrays Jesus, He is arrested and eventually nailed to the cross to die for our sins.

As the tears streamed down my cheeks in the sunlight, I realized that all I needed was to give God my heart break. After all, it is His will that I went through all of it. It's also His will that after a while I realized that I am a much better person because of what I went through. Heart break of any kind, at the moment, gives us little reason to turn to God and say 'Hey thanks God for letting my heart get broken! I'm sure it will all turn out dandy!' Speaking from experience, nothing but anger comes out when you get your heart broken.

Jesus didn't get angry. Philippians 2:5 says: "Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus". Christ knew that He had to be betrayed in order to full fill Gods word, so what did He do when He found out He'd be betrayed...prayed.

I put my book down and prayed harder than I ever had in my life. I prayed that my heart would be mended, and that God would continue to bless my life (I was on a beach in Hawaii for heavens sake!). I prayed that He would open my heart as wide as it could go so I could see Him more and less of myself.

God uses us in so many ways, sometimes not in the ways we'd prefer.
My heart break was devastating. But I now know that God used that experience to put me where I am today. I went on to lead an amazing group of kids in a Youth program, and on to a church that has truly ignited the fire in me. He used that experience to make me realize all the real gifts He has given me.

Satan used Judas to get to Christ, but God took over the situation and made it good. He made it so good. Every time betrayal enters our lives, God will use it for good...if you let Him. It's not to say that the last two years I haven't given my broken heart to God, but I hadn't done it fully. I had always kept apart for myself, so I could have something to lean on almost. Something I could use to say to people 'ya, well you think that was bad...listen to this'. I know now that God will only have that terrible experience come out of my lips when it benefits Him. Only when someone needs me to tell them.

The hard feelings are gone. I have a Father in Heaven who has taken me and used me more than I could have ever imagined! I am finally free! Praise God!!

So here's the question, if you ever come upon betrayal, will you choose to take Gods hand and let Him lead you? And if you've been through betrayal already, have you really given your broken heart to our Savior?

Jesus' betrayal lead to Him dieing on a cross so that my broken heart could be mended.

Praise to the King of Kings!
Your sister in Christ,
Meg