I Surrender

It has been a week from...well you know where.
One of those weeks where, when it rained, it poured. Like hurricane poured. Like, no end in sight, can't see too feet in front of you.

School started which in it's self is stressful, and we found out that we're leaving Monday morning for NC for my father in laws surgery. We had two friends come into town (who we love dearly) but with everything else, it was a lot. Not to mention the normal stresses of money and life in general.

So Friday at school I cracked.

I patently waited for 30 minutes in the financial aid offices for them to tell me "you sent in the wrong form, and nothing will go through until October".
I barley got out of the office before the tears came streaming down my face.

I called Sonny (pour Sonny) sobbing my eyes out, found a bench and just cried. And cried. And cried.

I needed to get a book from the bookstore so I composed myself as much as possible, grabbed my head phones stuck them in and opened up my iPod to Hillsong.

It wasn't that I was listening to the words, but I suddenly just felt a tiny bit better.
Like God had just said 'Megan, I'm here. I'm right here, calm down.'

I got my books and walked back to my car, blaring the music, mouthing the words (I'm sure I looked silly, but I needed the Lord).
I got into my car and just cried. And cried, and cried some more.

And then I prayed.
I told God that I really really needed Him. I prayed that He would help me. I prayed that He would make everything better.
I'm not sure if it was lyrics from a song that kept coming into my head, but I just saying: I love you and I trust You.
I said it so many times that I started to wonder if I was telling that to God, or He was telling that to me.

I wiped the tears away and put the car in drive.

I finally just drove and listened to the lyrics of the songs. I used them as my prayer to God.

As I hit 95, Kim Walkers I surrender came on.

I belted the words praying that God would send His Holy Spirit to my side so I didn't have to be alone. I begged Him to be with me, to love me.
With in seconds, I had a vision that I was in heaven walking towards Jesus, whose arms were wide open.
I saw myself running towards Him and as I fell into His arms, I felt an immeasurable amount of pressure on my chest....almost to the point of not being able to breathe.

It was in that minute that I felt a overwhelming sense of calmness.

I should tell you that I've felt the presence of the Lord before, but never have I ever had an encounter with Him like that.

And me? I prayed.

God, it's time for a break!

God, answer in love!

Answer with your sure salvation!

Rescue me from the swamp,

Don't let me go under for good.

Pull me out of the clutch of the enemy;

The whirlpool is sucking me down.

Now answer me, God, because you love me;

Let me see your mercy full face.

I'm in trouble, answer right now!

Come close, God; get me out of here.

-psalm 69:31-18 (MSG)

I called out to God and He answered. I needed Him to give me...I need Him to physically show me His love and He did. I may have been driving, but Jesus hugged me. He wrapped His arms around me so tight, reminding me that it's going to be ok, that He loves me, and that He trusts me to get through all this with Him.

It seemed like the song was on repeat...maybe it was, but I kept singing I surrender. I trust You God, oh I surrender, I place all my trust in You God, oh I surrender.
Over and over again.
I saw myself giving Jesus all the things that I'm stressed about.

I gave Him my school books.
I gave Him money.
I gave Him all the bills.

I finally gave Him my empty hands and He held them.

I trust God. I really do. I'm human so yes, I still worry, I still have emotions that make me feel uneasy, but when I get down to it...I trust God with my life.

I trust Him with my finances, my academics, and with my future.

I needed God and cried out...and He answered. He came to my rescue like His promised He would.
As Christ followers we need to remember that we're not alone, never does God leave our side, and He's always there for a hug. Like my mom, who I stopped to see on the way home (Jesus is pretty good at hugs, but moms are the best :]).

I had reached a point of total break down. I needed God and I needed Him right then and there and He showed me just how much He loves me. I pray that you know, it's ok to demand God to come be by your side...He won't ever say no. God knows that we need Him, and He delights when we call out to Him.

I'm praying that if you need Him, you'll cry out.
I promise He'll answer.